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these are some flowers

I think it’s really ugly here, to be honest.

But ugly is better than nothing, so for now please just accept my apologies.

But I’m here anyway because there are some important things I can’t put off talkinga bout any longer —

Yes. I’m talking about television.

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Dollface
looks amazing. Super surreal and girlpower. Woohoo. I love that woman and I can’t wait till it’s out.

Living with Your Self
I really loved the first few episodes. And the concept at the beginning. But then it just became some kind of sappy mush. Come on you guys. We’ve all heard that story. Can anyone just become a better person because it’s a good idea to be a better person? Apparently it’s very diffucult to make that kind of story..

Gemstones





 

I’m going to New York for my birthday! 

When I was in grade school, there was nothing I liked better than reading, and there were few books I liked more than stories about girls who lived in an apartment in NYC. That wasn’t an essential part of the plot really, but  a commonality for sure (Judy Blume girls and the adventurous girls in stories by Koinesberg especially). So I understood from a young age that New York was the place to be.

I still love New York, and last week my daughter in law asked if I’d like to come visit her and my grandson next week, which happens to be my birthweek. Honestly I can’t really think of anything I’d rather do for my birthday than hang out with that sweet baby in that city.

I’m leaving tomorrow and coming back on Thursday.
See you when I’m 53.


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July 2, 2019
7:30pm

I wanted to write tonight.
I’ve been writing a lot lately, and it’s been going surprisingly well. At least recently.

I’ve also been thinking about this space.
I think the reason I don’t work on this, and why it doesn’t feel right is is that I’ve been paying too much attention to what it’s “supposed” to be like. It’s important to pay attention to the situation with other people online and just what’s possible because it changes so often and so quickly. But the thing that was good for me in the 90s when I started was the freedom and the idea that there’s no “right” way to do it. It hadn’t been done before so whatever i did was right.

I want to get that concept back into it. Open minded, free to experiment, and not at all concerned about what anyone else thinks about it.

I’ve been working on that, and I’ve been working on writing about my life. I always wanted to grown up and write fiction. I want to create stunning alternate worlds, with fascinating characters and rich backstories. But here I am, on the verge of turning 53 next week, and I still don’t have anything more than basic ideas for fiction stories. My brain just doesn’t seem to work that way, I guess. I don’t have fiction stories bumping around i my head that want out. Over the last year or so, I’ve started to come around to seeing writing non-fiction is just as valid as writing fiction.

I realized a lot of my favorite books and favorite writers are not fiction. Even when it comes to fiction writers, it’s not their fiction I love. Henry Miller is a great example. His non fiction informs my world view. His fiction - it’s not bad but I don’t feel it. Annie Dillard. Madeline L’Engle. William Burroughs.

So maybe it’s not so bad, writing non-fiction. It definitely counts.
I’m going to try it.
As my daughter in law said, what’s the worst that could happen?

Not tonight though.
Tonight my brain says no.
There is so much going on my my head and in my life right now. None of it is really worth sharing. It’s about the same as every other living human deals with. But it’s a bit overwhelming to me right now and I am thinking it’s a great night to put the words away (after I write all this of course) and make art.

Art saves.

“Paint as you like and be happy.”
That’s a Henry Miller quote.
From some non-fiction.

In between the getting readjusted to life, going to the doctor, making sure my pipes didn’t freeze, checking in with all the people I have to check in and quality Netflix time bingeing The Umbrella Academy (thank you Adam) - I am trying to sort through the bunches of videos I shot on my last trip to Disney.

I really want to edit them into a really short, but of course super interesting video. Do I know how? Um, not really? In theory? I know I want to try. And I know at first it won’t be good. But I’m going to give it a go.

First though I have to gather them from 3 phones and one fake gopro, sort through to get rid of the lame bits, get then all in one spot and then start trying to pick and choose and edit.

Easy as pie.

Oh and then I have to figure out where to put my stuff online when I don’t want it to be on my actual account for reasons.

Right now I’ve just about got them all one place. After tonight I will.

I think I’ll probably share things with you as I go, before I share it for everyone.

I’m posting this with no photos and no videos because it’s late, I’ve had a long day and I’d rather post this than nothing.

Do you want me to update the FB page when I just post something like this? Or only when it’s good?

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Last Monday night, I took a flight to my second favorite US city, Orlando, Florida.

Honestly I don’t love Orlando. I love the theme park bubble. And I love several people who happen to live there. And I love the weather half of the year. So, second favorite.

I had never taken a flight that left so late at night before and I have to say I will be taking more of them. There were 61 people on that flight. I’ll skip the part where I rant about how airlines would rather let those seats be empty than sell them cheap last minute.

I had the whole row to myself.

yes, that’s my ravenclaw scarf

yes, that’s my ravenclaw scarf

I spent Monday & Tuesday staying on property with my cousin, Dawn.

never miss out on the magic shots!

never miss out on the magic shots!

after dinner drinks at the wave

after dinner drinks at the wave

Tuesday night, her husband (my cousin)’s birthday, so he came to meet up with us at Hollywood Studios.

he scares me.

he scares me.

We celebrated my cousin Chris’s birthday with drinks, dinner + dessert at Mama Melrose!

birthday dinner with my brother, dawn, chris the birthday boy, and me

birthday dinner with my brother, dawn, chris the birthday boy, and me

After that I spent a couple days alone at parks and stayed with my brother and sister-in-law. The sun came out for those two days and it was glorious.

smiling in the sunshine on the hub grass

smiling in the sunshine on the hub grass

On Friday night, I got on a plane to Houston, where I got on a plane to Kansas City, where it was a balmy 20 or so degrees.

And then on Saturday night, it snowed. Bunches.

no thank you though.

no thank you though.

And that, my friends, is exactly why I try to run away to somewhere sunny and hot for at least a minute every February or so. This was only 4 days, and only 2 were so sunny they were hot, but it made such a difference.

I think I can make it through till May now.

February 19, 2019
after dark

It’s snowing again.
Even before this, we’ve had So Much snow this winter.
And as I bet you know, I am not a fan.

I’m going to escape it though.
Somewhere in my 40s I realized if I was going to stay living in Kansas, I was going to need to leave for somewhere much warmer towards the end of the winter. Especially in years like this one when winter has been especially harsh.

I didn’t think I was going to get to this year. Because life is complicated. But life is also full of surprises. One of my favorite cousins is in Orlando for the winter. We’ve been trying to find a way to spend some quality time together for a long time now and a couple weeks ago when we were once again checking personal schedules and flight schedules we found a few days that would work for both of us And had pretty cheap flights.

So on Monday night, really late, I’m going to hop on a plane and visit my cousin in Orlando.

Of course we’re going to spend some time at the parks. But mostly we’re going to talk and enjoy each other’s company. And I am going to enjoy the warm sunshine. In shorts and tank tops. Oh I can’t even say how much I can’t wait.

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February 10, 2019

New York is easily my favorite city in the US.
So how lucky am I that my son and his family live there?

They recently had a baby, which means I recently became a grandma. It's sweet. It's just as good as all the silly memes say. But that's not what I want to talk about, not here anyway.

In face, I don’t really want to talk about anything yet - except these pictures I want to show you.



I wanted to write tonight.
I’ve been writing a lot lately, and it’s been going surprisingly well. At least recently.
I’ve been thinking about this space. I realized this doesn’t feel right because I keep trying to shove myself into a way of doing it that’s not organic. Not to me. I’ve been trying to do it like people who write about making a good blog say I should. I’m trying to do it the way everyone else does. And that just doesn’t work for me.

I need to get back to the way I started in the 90s. Open minded, free to experiment, and not at all concerned about what anyone else thinks about it.

I’ve been working on taht, and I’ve been working on writing about my life. I’ve always wanted to write fiction. I want to create stunning alternate worlds, with fascinting charaters and rich backstories. But here I am, on the verge of turning 53 next week, and I still don’t have anything more than vague ideas for fiction stories. My brain just doesn’t seem to work that way, I guess. Over the last year or so, I’ve started to come around to seeing writing non-fiction is just as much writing as fiction.

When i think about it I realize a lot of my favorite books are non-fiction. Even when it comes to fiction writers, it’s not their fiction I love. Henry Miller is a great example. His non fiction informs my world view. His fiction - it’s not bad but I don’t feel it. Annie Dillard. Madeline L’Engle. William Burroughs.

So maybe it’s not so bad, writing non-fiction.
I’m going to try it.
As my daughter in law said, what’s the worst that could happen?

Not tonight though.
Tonight my brain says no.
There is so much going on my my head and in my life right now. None of it is really worth sharing. It’s about the same as every other living human deals with. But it’s a bit overwhelming to me right now and I am thinking it’s a great night to put the words away (after I write all this of course) and make art.

Art saves.

Paint as you like and be happy.
That’s a Henry Miller quote. From some non-fiction.