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I’m a day late but i’m ready to make my intentions for the next 6 months.
The next 19 years.
I will be a boss. Girl boss.
Of my own world.

I will build this world i’ve dreamed of, dreamed up, and i will make it all work.

Because i have magic. Not better magic than others, but magic none the less. We all have it. It’s hard to find, especially with the way the world beats you down. But i have found the edge of it and i will work my way to the center.

And yes i will be there for my mother and for danny and for my boyfriend and well even hannah. But even before that, like putting on my oxygen mask first.

I think i pay too much attention to what it’s “supposed” to be like, my blog. I think it’s important to pay attention to the situation with other people online and just what’s possible because it changes so often and so quickly. But the thing that was good for me in the beginning was the freedom and the idea that there’s no “right” way to do it. It hadn’t been done before so whatever i did was right.

My grandparents got married in casablanca north africa during world war 2. They were already in love, and fate brought them together. They created my dad there.

My parents met when my dad was on a double date. His friend was out with my auntie. I have no idea who he was out with. My mom tagged along, i don’t know why. And after he took his date home, he and my mom went to talk at the spillway, where in my mind, he was charming and she was witty so they fell in love.

I have better stories though. About my grandpa breaking wild horses until one drug him for long enough that he was in the hospital for months. My grandma made him stop. In my mind my grandma also made him stop cooking when they got married, stop encouraging me to kick the cabinet and say hot damn! When he had his after work shot of whisky, stop him from telling me news about the bio dad of the baby i had given up for adoption and was never to be mentioned again.

About sir francis drake, who i’m guessing was my uncle. Somewhere theres a big fat book -- it used to sit on a high shelf at my grandparen’ts house -- that traces that family through history. I asked to read it when I was a kid and my grandmother scoffed at that, sure I would never enjoy such a thing. She summed it up with the two take aways she had - we were related to a horse theif who had been hung, and Sir Francis Drake, the first human who sailed around the world and made sure history would know about it.

I don’t know why i never read it. I knew where it was and i wasn’t told not to, just that i wouldn’t like it. But my family said that kind of stuff to me a lot. Wrongly. Maybe it because it was so thick. All i remember is how it looked, fat and green. And my grandma putting it back up on the shelf after i asked about it.